


This Is Nuts!

by Julie Lewis (RokofAges75)



Category: Backstreet Boys
Genre: Blood and Gore, Comedy, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-26
Updated: 2013-08-26
Packaged: 2021-03-01 07:20:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,301
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23347576
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RokofAges75/pseuds/Julie%20Lewis
Summary: Nick learns the hard way never to feed a wild animal.One of1000 Ways to Kill Nick Carter
Relationships: Nick Carter/Lauren Kitt Carter
Collections: 1000 Ways to Kill Nick Carter





	This Is Nuts!

“Hey, babe.” Nick leaned in the doorway of his home gym, where his fiancée, Lauren, was finishing her morning workout. “It’s a beautiful day. Whaddya say we go on a picnic?”

Lauren looked up from the control panel of her treadmill, slipping out her ear buds without missing a step. “Picnic, did you say?”

“Yeah. We could drive up to the Angeles National Forest and just spend the whole day outdoors, enjoying nature. It’ll be fun!” Nick insisted, sounding a lot like he knew what he was talking about. In actuality, he couldn’t remember the last time he had been on a real picnic. Come to think of it, he wasn’t sure he had _ever_ been on a picnic. The idea had just come to him a few minutes earlier, but it seemed like a good one, something romantic and different to do together before he went on tour the following week.

Lauren smiled and nodded. “That does sound fun,” she agreed. “I’m just about finished. Give me a half hour or so to get cleaned up, and I’ll be good to go.”

“Okay!” Nick replied eagerly. “I’ll go whip us up some wheatgrass smoothies for the road!”

“Don’t forget the kale!” Lauren called after him, as he went into the kitchen to pack a picnic basket. Granted, he didn’t actually own a picnic basket, so he settled for shoving everything into a backpack. He hoped it wouldn’t get too squashed in there.

“All set?” he asked, when Lauren came into the kitchen, freshly-showered and looking ready for a day in the great outdoors. Her hair was pulled back in a messy bun underneath a baseball cap, and she was dressed casually, in a tank top, shorts, and a pair of hiking boots.

Nick was admiring Lauren’s long, shapely legs when he heard her reply, “Uh-huh. Is that what you’re wearing?”

He looked down at his outfit, the same gray t-shirt and red sweatpants he had been wearing for three days straight. He couldn’t imagine anything more comfortable to hike in. “Yep!”

Lauren just shrugged. “Okay.”

He smiled; she never gave him too much crap about his clothes, not like some of his previous girlfriends had. Just another reason why he loved her! “Let’s go, baby!” he said, taking her hand and pulling her out the door.

They held hands in the car as he drove them out of the city and headed inland, toward the mountains. With the windows down and a warm summer breeze whipping through the car, it was a pleasant drive. They made it in under an hour, by which time Nick’s stomach was growling. He found a place to park, and they got out, bringing the backpack of picnic food with them. Nick slung it over his shoulders and reached for Lauren’s hand again as they walked into the woods.

They hiked for about half an hour, heading uphill, until they came to a grassy clearing in the middle of the rugged forest. Nick stopped and looked around, admiring the way the sunlight filtered down through the trees. “This looks like a good spot for a picnic, don’t you think?” he asked Lauren.

She agreed, so they spread out his Tampa Bay Buccaneers blanket over the patchy grass and sat down. Nick unloaded his backpack, setting out the smorgasbord of healthy picnic food he had packed. “Nick, this looks fantastic!” Lauren complimented his efforts, sounding impressed.

Nick was pretty proud of himself. “Thanks, babe!”

They enjoyed a nice, light conversation as they nibbled their way through the fresh fruit, raw vegetables, and nuts, all foods they could have harvested themselves. When Nick’s belly was full, he lay back on the blanket and looked up at the canopy of leaves overhead, seeing patches of bright blue sky peeking between them as they rustled in the summer breeze. He took a deep breath, savoring the scent of the fresh mountain air, so different from the smog he inhaled daily in L.A. He didn’t think he had ever had such a wholly natural experience. “We should do this more often,” he told Lauren.

“Yeah, we should… hey!” she cried suddenly, laughing. “Nick, look – we have company!”

Nick sat up, scaring the squirrel who had scampered into the clearing. It scurried halfway up a tree, then stopped and looked intently at them, its beady black eyes boring into Nick as its little claws dug into the tree trunk. He laughed, too. “Aww, c’mere, little guy. We won’t hurt you!” he cooed, holding out his hand, as if it were a dog that would come and sniff his fingers. He quickly realized this was stupid. He would need some food in his hand to lure it closer.

Looking around, he spotted the container of almonds he and Lauren had picked at. Almonds were a good source of protein, but too many calories to eat too many at a time. He wondered if they would tempt the squirrel. Shaking a few into his hand, he extended it again and whistled softly. “Here, little squirrel. I got some nuts for ya!”

“You probably shouldn’t try to feed it,” Lauren warned him. “It’s a wild animal.”

“Aww, c’mon, it’s just a squirrel. It’s not like it’s a bear or something.”

“Yeah, but if it learns to rely on humans for food, it’ll forget how to get its own,” she pointed out.

“It’s just a few nuts,” Nick insisted, rising onto his knees to stretch his arm out further. “Even squirrels can accept a handout once in awhile.”

“ _You’re_ nuts!” Lauren shot back, shaking her head, but she was smiling at the same time. He knew she secretly wanted the squirrel to come closer, too. All girls loved cute little animals. Nick loved cute little animals, too.

“Here, squirrel, squirrel!” He made kissy noises at the squirrel. “Come get my nuts!”

Lauren giggled, but Nick stayed focused. His efforts seemed to be paying off. The squirrel turned around and started to inch slowly down the tree, a few steps at a time. It stopped again at the bottom and stared them down. Nick’s arm was starting to hurt, but he held his hand still. The squirrel took a few tentative steps toward him, its beady eyes never blinking.

“That’s it… come on,” Nick said softly, in the high-pitched voice he used with Nacho and Igby.

The squirrel crept closer. Its head was hunkered low to the ground, in case it had to turn tail and flee. When Nick stretched his hand out further, the squirrel shrunk back.

“It’s okay…” Nick withdrew his hand slightly, but the squirrel had caught a whiff of his nuts. It tipped its head back, its cute little nose quivering as it sniffed the air. “Yeah, that’s right, you know you want some of these,” said Nick, smiling, as he held the almonds closer.

The squirrel finally caved and came up to him, snatching a single almond from his hand with lightning speed. It scampered a few feet away and sat up on its haunches, turning the almond around in its tiny paws as it nibbled it like a corn cob. Nick and Lauren watched it with delight, giggling softly. “I can’t believe you actually got it to take one out of your hand,” she commented.

“Just you wait. In a minute, he’ll be back for more,” Nick promised. Sure enough, once the squirrel had finished the first nut, it inched up to him again, moving with a bit more bravado this time. It stole another almond, and then a third. Before he knew it, Nick’s nuts were all gone. “Hey, hand me some more of those almonds,” he told Lauren, but she shook her head.

“Nick, I think he’s had enough. We shouldn’t keep feeding him.”

“Aww, but look at him! He’s still hungry!” The squirrel had its head cocked curiously to the side, watching him closely through its beady, unblinking, black eyes. “Come here, little guy!” Nick held out his empty hand, and the squirrel scampered right up to him, quite eagerly. It must not have noticed that his hand was empty this time, or maybe it didn’t care. Maybe it mistook his fingers for more almonds, or maybe it was just out for blood. In any case, before he knew it, the squirrel had taken a bite out of his middle finger.

“OW!” Nick gasped out in pain, jerking his hand back. The squirrel hung on, its teeth clamping down on his finger, and he had to shake it off. He flung the squirrel several feet into the air, and as soon as it landed, it went tearing off into the forest, terrified.

“Are you okay?!” Lauren demanded, reaching for Nick’s wrist. She took his hand in hers and turned it over slowly, palm up, to inspect his finger. It was bleeding, but at least it was still intact. Nick was worried the little fucker had bit it right off, it hurt so badly!

He let out a shaky breath, deciding the damage wasn’t so bad. “I’ll be alright. You don’t happen to have a band-aid, do you?”

But neither of them had thought to pack a first-aid kit, so Nick wrapped his finger up in the hem of his t-shirt while Lauren hastily packed up their picnic for the long walk back to the car. “Man, this is gonna ruin my favorite shirt,” Nick complained as they hiked, watching dark blood seep through the thin, gray fabric.

“Like you don’t have five more just like it?” Lauren turned her head to roll her eyes at him.

Nick shrugged; he supposed she was right. Besides, the stain might look cool, like he’d tie-dyed the t-shirt in blood. Maybe it would look like he’d been bitten by a zombie, instead of a squirrel. His mind wandered as they made their way out of the woods. The possibilities were endless.

“We should take you to get that bite checked out,” said Lauren, as she slid behind the wheel of his SUV. “You might need a rabies shot, or at least some antibiotics.”

“Nuh-uh!” Nick protested from the passenger seat, shaking his head emphatically. Lauren wouldn’t remember, but he could never forget that time he’d been stung by a platypus in Australia. The venom hadn’t killed him, but the allergic reaction he’d had to the shot they’d given him at the hospital had. No way was he making that same mistake a second time, especially not when he had a new album, a world tour, and a wedding to look forward to. “It’s just a little bite, babe. Don’t worry about it. Trust me, I’ve had worse. I’ll be fine.”

But Nick was not fine. He spent the next four days lying in bed with his laptop, tweeting the fans who had donated money to fund his horror movie and fighting what he thought was the flu. He hated being sick, especially when he was supposed to be rehearsing with the guys for the tour that started in Chicago on Friday. He hoped he would feel better by morning, so he could make the final days of rehearsal, but the truth was, he’d been feeling progressively worse and worse all weekend.

Lauren had kept her distance, not wanting her rigorous workout regime to be thwarted by illness. While Nick had been busy tweeting, she was training for the WBFF Worlds, which were coming up in a month. She couldn’t afford to get sick any more than he could. But that night, she crawled into bed beside him anyway, not wanting to sleep separately when they only had a few more nights to spend together. “Time to stop tweeting and shut that thing down,” she said, gently closing his laptop. Nick was forced to pull his fingers off the keyboard as she pushed the lid down with a click and swept the computer aside. Leaning in, she kissed the side of his neck, making him squirm. He’d always been ticklish there, but that night, his skin felt extra sensitive. Lauren withdrew her lips, frowning. “What’s this lump?” she wondered.

“What lump?”

“Right here.” She pressed her fingers lightly to the side of his neck. He reached up and felt it, too, a large, tender protuberance just below his jawline.

“Swollen gland, I guess,” he said self-consciously, pushing her fingers away. “It’s no big deal. C’mere.” He put his arm around her and pulled her closer to him.

“Mmm,” Lauren murmured, snuggling up to his side. “You’re warm.”

That was weird, considering Nick felt shivery, even under the covers. “You cold, baby?” he asked, giving her a squeeze. “We should turn the air conditioning down.”

Lauren grinned. “I think we should just strip off all our clothes and huddle together for warmth.”

Nick grinned back. “I think we should do more than just huddle.”

She raised her eyebrows. “You sure you’re up to it? You still don’t look like you feel very well. I think you’re running a fever…”

He waggled his. “I’m always up for anything with you, Lolo.”

She giggled and shimmied out of her nightshirt, while he reached underneath the covers to hitch his boxer briefs down off his hips. Soon he saw her arm snaking under the sheets and felt her hand slither across his thigh, forcing his hands out of the way. He groaned with pleasure as she grabbed him and squeezed, touching and tugging until he was so light-headed, he felt like he could float away. Then he gasped out loud, as her fingers slid across a sore spot on his inner thigh. “What the hell?” she said, pulling her hand away from his body. She reached over and turned on the lamp on her bedside table. “What was that I just touched?” she asked, pushing back the covers. Then she, too, gasped. “Oh my god, Nick!”

He looked down. There, on his inner thigh, was a massive lump, like an infected boil. It was creamy white in the middle, the color of pus, and dark reddish-purple around the edges, like the biggest zit he’d ever seen. His first thought was that he’d contracted some kind of STD, though he couldn’t think how. In the five years they’d been together, he’d been totally faithful to Lauren. “What _is_ that?” he said, disgusted and, at the same time, fascinated. He reached out to touch the sore.

As he did, Lauren gasped again. “Nick, your hand! What happened to your hand?”

He looked down and saw that his right hand was oddly discolored. Frowning, he held it up to the light and looked at it closely. His skin was a blotchy, dark blue, the fingers black, as if they’d been dipped in ink. “What the fuck?” he said aloud, as he rotated his wrist, inspecting his hand from all angles. It was swollen and appeared to be severely bruised, though it wasn’t really tender. In fact, he could hardly feel it at all. What was up with that? “Weird…” he muttered. “It must be carpal tunnel syndrome or some shit like that, from typing too many tweets. Looks like I cut off the circulation in it or something.” He tried to flex his fingers, but they felt stiff and numb.

“It looks _dead_ ,” Lauren said, wrinkling her nose in disgust. “Nick, you need to see someone about this, right now. Get up. We’re going to the hospital.”

Nick shuddered, remembering all the times he’d died in the hospital before. He didn’t want this to be another one of _those_ times. But he could no longer deny that something seemed to be very wrong with him. Judging by the sight of his hand and the strange lumps on his neck and leg, it looked serious. With a sigh, he threw back the covers and started to swing his legs over the side of the bed. That was when both he and Lauren gasped again.

“Oh my god!” she screamed. “Your feet!”

They were both just as darkened and dead-looking as his hand, and his toes were totally black. Whatever was wrong with him, it seemed to be spreading up his legs; the discoloration had sort of an ombre effect. “Oh my god,” he said, as the realization suddenly hit him. “I think I’m turning into a zombie!”

“It looks like gangrene! I’m calling the paramedics!”

But Nick was convinced he had somehow contracted the zombie virus. He sat on the side of the bed, dazedly staring down at his deadened feet, while Lauren ran around the condo in search of her phone. How could this have happened? he wondered. He tried to remember when he could have been bitten by a zombie, but it was hard to think clearly. He felt woozy and weak. Lauren’s panicked voice sounded distorted in the background, like he was hearing her through heavy static, and the blackness that had already eaten away at his fingers and toes seemed to be invading his vision as well. As it closed in on him from the corners of his eyes, he suddenly remembered the squirrel. His last conscious thought before he collapsed was, _Zombie squirrel!_

Lauren came running back into the bedroom when she heard the heavy thud of Nick’s body hitting the floor, but the 911 dispatcher on the phone told her not to move him. She did roll him onto his back, tucked a pillow under his head, and tore the duvet off the bed to cover him as she waited for the ambulance to arrive. Still, he shivered violently. When he started to vomit, she turned his head to the side and jumped back as a torrent of blood erupted from his mouth and spattered across the floor.

The paramedics made it there within minutes of her call, but it was still too late to save Nick. He was pronounced dead at the hospital and did not reanimate (at least, not right away). “I don’t understand,” Lauren wept, when the doctor came to deliver the bad news. “He hadn’t been feeling well, but we thought it was just the flu! How could this have happened?”

“We’ll know more when we get the results of the samples we went to the lab, but the early indications are that your fiancée died of shock, due to widespread infection and internal hemorrhage. We’d like your permission to perform an autopsy to confirm these suspicions and look for the source of the infection.”

Lauren nodded, too stunned to say anything else. Over the next few days, when the Backstreet Boys were supposed to have been making final preparations for their tour, they instead helped her make arrangements for Nick’s funeral. On the day their tour was scheduled to begin, the medical examiner called with his findings. “The lab results indicate that Mr. Carter died of septicemic plague, secondary to bubonic plague.”

“Bubonic plague?!” Lauren gasped. “But… how can that be? Isn’t that, like, the Black Death?! People don’t get the plague anymore, do they??

“It’s rare,” the medical examiner agreed, “but it does happen on occasion. It appears that your fiancée contracted it through a bite by an infected animal. I have to ask, had Mr. Carter spent any time in or near the Angeles National Forest in the days before he fell ill? As you might have seen on the news, a squirrel found in that area recently tested positive for _Yersinia pestis_ , the bacteria that causes the plague.”

“Oh my god!” Lauren burst into tears and buried her face in her hand as she remembered their almost perfect picnic. As she tried to stifle her sobs, she shook her head with regret. “I told him he was nuts for feeding that squirrel! He didn’t listen. He was always so damn stubborn. And now he’s dead.”

**Author's Note:**

> This was based on a [real news story](http://www.theverge.com/2013/7/25/4556658/a-squirrel-in-california-has-the-plague-should-we-be-worried) I saw about a squirrel in Los Angeles County testing positive for plague. I never thought it would be plausible to have a Backstreet Boy die of bubonic plague, but this just goes to show that anything is possible! LOL


End file.
